“Why does it feel more normal to self deprecate than self celebrate?”
There is nothing I love more that when a little kid gets dressed in an outfit they they think is simply outstanding. They strut out, feeling confident and empowered. They spin around to show everyone what they chose. They look in the mirror and smile! They don’t need approval from anyone…they are truly happy within themselves.
It’s the BEST, right?!
But then maybe we tell them it doesn’t match, or it looks weird or suggest something else. Listen, we don’t want to contain them, we just are doing what we know. What was done to us as kids.
When we know better, we can do better.
By the time my third kid came around, I not only didn’t have the wherewithal to argue her wardrobe choices, I realized her opinion of herself meant so much more than mine. And that was what I wanted to honor!
She would leave the house in the middle of summer wearing cowboy boots, a winter vest, workout shorts and a princess shirt with as many necklaces as Mr. T and as long as she was clothed, we were out the door!
Again, this was partly survival, and mostly Chuck being very sure of herself.
Now flash forward to when that little kid so confident in their outfit choice steps out of a dressing room as an adult to ask how they look?
Do they spin the same way?
Do they smile at themselves in the mirror?
Do they forget that they never needed anyone else’s opinion or approval?
For some reason, the purity we are bestowed with at kids gets so tainted, which is exactly why we shift from self celebration to self deprecation.
We are taught to hold others opinions higher than our own. Like the opinions of our teachers and parents. What they think of us dictates how we function in day to day life. So we stop feeling confident in our own choices and start to look OUTWARD for our validation.
We see more of our limitations as opposed to our strengths.
We may not feel as certain about our choices so stepping out and spinning in celebration for our sheer awesomeness doesn’t feel right.
How whack is that?!
It so does NOT have to be like this!
If we can continue to teach our children and ourselves NOW that our OWN OPINION about ourselves means the most in the whole wide world, maybe then self celebration can be the NORM!
It has to start from WITHIN!
Or how about this…how uncomfortable do you feel when you come across a super confident adult? Someone who walks in and says, “I am so happy! I love my outfit and I look damn good in it!”
We call them cocky.
We judge them for being full of themselves.
Again. How WHACK is that?!
Why oh WHY do we think it’s wrong to LOVE yourself and witness someone self celebrating?
It makes us uncomfortable because we don’t know how to do it for ourselves.
So next time you see someone spinning in their own celebration, instead of judging them, cheer them on. That will make you one step closer for yourself.
Self deprecation is a learned behavior. So we can unlearn it. It takes self awareness, practice and a whole lotta patience!
You deserve to be celebrated! It looks SO GOOD ON YOU!
Much love, Ta xo