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“Empaths are people who understand and share the feelings of others.” Like, that’s the real definition. Let’s face it, pretty much every human on the planet SHOULD be understanding of others, but that’s a story for another blog.
The challenge of being an empath really comes from those who have a hard time differentiating someone else’s feelings from their own. So we take on people’s feelings because we assume it will lighten their load by piling it on ourselves! So silly, aren’t we?!
Or get this…maybe you’re an empath but you don’t even realize it; but you know your energy can get wacky when other peoples does?!
Well, I was chatting with a dear friend who is a fellow empath, and as she asked for advice, I was sharing some insight I have learned on this journey and I realized, DUH…I should share this with everyone because maybe you need this feedback, too!! So here goes…
Lesson #1. You can’t HEAL someone else, so why would you try to FEEL for someone else? We don’t have a magic wand to shoot fairy dust at anyone to fix their problems. Just like we shouldn’t give advice to someone who really isn’t asking for it. But for some reason, us empaths feel RESPONSIBLE to fix any problems even when they have nothing to do with us! We gotta make it personal because it means we care, right?! Wrong-o! Getting all wrapped up in someone else’s pain is never our purpose. Our purpose is to love! To give love, speak love and live in love!
Lesson #2. Your best healing will always come from within. So will everyone else’s. Though you may want to shake peeps to wake them up, it ain’t never gonna work. People wake up on their own clock. Not yours. So if you want to help them wake up, be there to listen when their alarm goes off and let them figure out the rest! Just like YOU did!
Lesson #3. Stop trying to protect your energy and shield yourself. You’ve worked too hard releasing your own baggage to build up yet another armor. Surround yourself with LIGHT and LOVE, that’s the best source of protection available to you!
Lesson #4. Feel for them without feeling FOR them! You know that saying, “I feel for you!” That means you are allowing yourself to shed love and compassion upon someone else. It doesn’t mean you should actually take on their pain. It’s never your job to carry someone else’s pains or burdens. The best way to help others is to work on your own light and hope it helps them do the same.
Lesson #5. Stop feeling guilty for someone else’s difficult life. Again, you can always feel compassion and love towards those who are struggling. But someone else’s pain isn’t yours to walk in. If you were supposed to experience it for yourself, then you would. The second you start to feel guilty for good health or abundance or joy because someone else doesn’t have it, is the same second that you are disconnecting from your divine right of happiness. If someone else isn’t choosing happiness, it’s not your fault. But if you aren’t choosing it, that’s on you, boo.
Hope these little shifts can help you stand deeper in your light instead of jumping into someone else’s darkness! So much love for you! Keep shining!
So, I’m 37 and I still believe in Santa. I still look up at the sky every Christmas Eve. I still feel butterflies in my stomach going to bed knowing what Christmas morning will bring.
Maybe I feel this way because I was very blessed as a kid and we always had magical Christmases. I know that’s not the case for every person. But…Believing in Santa in my eyes it’s just a MUST. Let me explain…
I am a crazy Christmas person. I decorate well before Thanksgiving. I love all the movies, bake the cookies, see the lights. Christmas songs are on 24/7. As a family, we have done a really good job of streamlining Christmas the last few years. We focused less on the crazy amounts of gifts, and more on time together. Experiences that we can share together. Moments that can be savored and memories to be made. We’ve learned to lessen the stress, the financial burden, the chaos and focus more on the real meaning of the season which is JOY and FAMILY. And SANTA, of course.
To me Santa is more than a chubby, jolly guy in a red suit. To me, he is a symbol of MIRACLES!
Every present that gets opened Christmas morning is from Santa Claus. All the credit goes to him. We don’t need it. One day, it will be acknowledged. But the precious years of Santa are so fleeting, so why not let Santa have it ALL! The magic, the excitement. Yes, we also have those crazy elves who live in our house for a whole month before Christmas, too. And I absolutely love seeing how excited the kids get waking up every morning to go find them. Even at 1am when you wake up in a sweat wondering if they moved!
Believing in the magic of Christmas is more than just believing. I feel like it’s a life lesson that we can instill in children at such a young age of how important it is to believe in something BIGGER than ourselves. There are going to be times in life that are so challenging that we’re not sure if a miracle can actually happen…but then we can remember what it felt like as little kids…picturing Santa flying all over the world in one sleigh with one sack of presents squeezing down chimneys, bringing joy to the whole world…and we can believe that ANYTHING is possible. Santa isn’t just a dude with the big white beard and a red hat. Santa is a FEELING that every single person deserves to feel… a feeling of hope, possibility, and magic.
Now, I know someone reading this has had a Christmas where Santa didn’t deliver. He didn’t bring that coveted toy. He disappointed you in someway. And honestly, I feel like that’s a really big life lesson to learn, too. It’s not just about him bringing every single thing and making it perfect. It’s not about deceiving kids and being dishonest. It’s about believing in something so much bigger than ourselves, and being grateful for whatever the outcome may be!
To me, Santa will always be real, because I believe that miracles are real. I believe that miracles happen every single day right under our nose. I’ve been witness to them. Our world has gotten very cynical, everyone always wants to keep it real… I get it…I like to do that, too. But allowing our imaginations to run wild and investing our heart into the sheer idea of magic really does just FEEL GOOD. We’re always trying to consume so much information and make sense of everything all the time… It’s not like that with Santa. You don’t have to make sense of it. He doesn’t need an explanation. It’s MAGIC, it’s JOY, and it’s HOPE. Allow yourself to believe in what’s possible… Not just on Christmas, but every day. Magic moments can be had any time of the year. If you just believe❤️✨
So much love friends,
Felt this deep in my heart and had to share…
To the mom dragging your screaming kid out of Target, I will never judge you and you are loved. Sometimes it’s like wrestling an alligator taking your kids to run errands. Let’s be real, I sometimes wanna scream and cry when I can’t get everything I want at Target. Maybe moms should start throwing fits, too?!🤣
To the mom who wears earbuds at the supermarket just so no one will talk to her or ducks a corner when she sees an old friend from high school, I will never judge you and you are loved. I understand that sometimes you just need to be alone and not engage in small talk that can feel so difficult. That places like the grocery store can drum up so much anxiety for having to have conversations that feel energetically draining. It’s ok to not want to talk.
To the mom who forgets it’s picture day or forgets a birthday party or forgets the “party in a bag”, I will never judge you and you are loved. We aren’t always gonna get it right. We are allowed to forget things and make mistakes. And if anything, it will teach our kids how to forgive and be compassionate when other people mess up. It will teach them that even when we have it all together, things get thrown out of whack. We move on and hope to do better next time!
To the mom who is always rushing around like a maniac and 5 minutes late for life, I will never judge you and you are loved. We always seem to run on everyone’s else’s clock. Getting people from point A to point B, and sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough time to make it happen. Maybe we get distracted scrolling social media, maybe we oversleep, maybe we took a shower for 5 extra minutes because it just felt like the only time of the day that was calm and quiet. Maybe we just need to start saying TIME is our friend instead of saying we don’t have enough of it! Either way, I know you’re doing your best!
To the mom who goes all out on every holiday, birthday or random Tuesday for your children, I will never judge you and you are loved. The fact that you take joy from making monumental moments of magic with your children is a beautiful thing. Don’t you dare dull down your sparkle because someone else doesn’t understand it! If you love making Pinterest worthy crafts or parties or anything, you do it and do it with JOY! And post the crap out of it because if other moms roll their eyes at you, then it’s just because they feel “less than” that they don’t like doing those things.
So, to the moms that compare themselves to other moms, I will never judge you and you are loved. You aren’t supposed to be like every other mom out there. We aren’t all meant to parent the same ways, or love the same ways. We each will bring our own balance of unique gifts and ridiculous baggage to our children. We should stop comparing or judging and start applauding each other for every small win! We should always be in each other’s corners, cheering each other on, even if we don’t agree with certain things! We are kindred spirits, not meant to be compared, meant to be united in this sisterhood of mom life. It’s unlike any other thing in this crazy world! We need each other!
To the moms who are always tired, I will never judge you and you are loved. You can be tired from working all day, or just tired from thinking about all you have to actually accomplish in a day. It doesn’t matter, it’s ok if you’re tired. So make sure you carve out time for yourself because it’s not selfish. It’s 100% necessary! And the more you fill yourself up, the better you are to everyone else in your life! It’s a WIN WIN!
To the mom who takes vacations or goes on date nights all the time without your children, I will never judge you and you are loved! You GO, mama. You take that time to restore and adventure and seek solace in your own identity. Being away from your kids doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It means you know that you need time to just be YOU, and you shouldn’t be judged for that. And I can vouch for this, taking time with your partner away from the kids is SO hugely important! Even if it’s just one hour at the grocery store or a quick drink and a slice of pizza. When you’re parenting together, you need that time to connect so you can be a strong team when the kids try to come in and overthrow you 😂
And on the flip side, to the moms who never ever leave their kids because it just feels too hard, I will never judge you and you are loved. It can feel like your heart is separating from your body when your kids aren’t there, so it’s ok to want to be attached to them for a while. Let’s face it, childhood is a short amount of years, so if you want to be there for every single day, then you do that. Again, you aren’t meant to parent like anyone else. No book can tell you what your heart already feels. Follow it and do you.
To the mom who swears in front of her kids, I will never judge you and you are loved. I can talk like a truck driver, but choose not to in front of my kids. But that doesn’t make me “right” and someone else “wrong.” It doesn’t mean anything to be honest. And if my kids hear another mom swearing, they don’t even think much of it. They know that some peeps talk like that and some don’t. And it’s ok! They don’t repeat the words. At least not in front of us 😂🙄
To the mom who’s just had enough, I will never judge you and you are loved. In motherhood, there can and will always be 1003 things we can complain about. No one listens, no one helps out, no one cares about what I need, there’s never enough time… we’ve all had our moments in those messes. Know this, with every moment we can complain, there are 10 moments to be joyful about. The hugs, the love, the trust, the connection…those things will always outweigh the annoyances of motherhood. So forgive the thoughts and focus on the love. It will always win.
To the moms who are clicky, I will never judge you and you are loved. I understand how hard it can be to let people you don’t really know into your life. I know your past experiences may leave you with your guard up. I know it can seem hard to make new friends as an adult so it’s easier just to keep your circle small. Just know you are safe when you lead with your heart. So remember that. And know that there may be a mom out there who needs your light to brighten her own.
Speaking of, to the moms who are shy or feel left out, I will never judge you and you are loved. It’s not easy feeling like you don’t fit in with anyone. It’s hard feeling like the odd man out. It’s scary when you think about why other people have these amazing friend groups and you just feel alone. It just means you aren’t supposed to latch on to anyone else for self worth. And maybe it’s your chance to step up and create new relationships. Your people are out there, open yourself up and they will come running into your life!
To the mom with all the problems, I will never judge you and you are loved. I know that there are some moms who feel like they have it harder than others. You feel that way for a reason. Just know this, problems are problems no matter how big or how small, and no one’s hardships are more important that anyone else’s. Maybe some compassion for other people’s struggles will help lessen your own❤️🙏🏻
To all the moms reading this, I will never judge you and you are loved. We are in this together. I have been some version of all of these “moms” throughout the years, as I’m sure you have, too. We don’t need to be exactly the same to be connected. We just need to let go of the walls of judgement and comparison and bring the best out of one another. Think about how amazing it would be if we allowed ourselves to just be understanding of our differences and celebrate this gift of raining tiny humans!!
Ok so this blog is gonna relate to all the adults reading, but I’m actually writing it for the teenagers, too…so please, share it with them! Even read it with them.. If they can stand the way you’re talking or breathing for 5 straight minutes. LOL! But really…it’s true.
I have been thinking a LOT lately about what it really felt like at that stage of life. How confusing, challenging and frustrating it could feel. When really, that time should be filled with FREEDOM, self expression and self awareness! Balanced with good choices, of course. I mean, I live with a teenager right now and feel grateful on the daily that she isn’t a wild child. Though sometimes I wonder if that’s because she just wants to “do what’s right” or if that’s who she just is. That’s a question I may never get answered, but this one can… If you could, would you go back to high school again?
Listen, I know time travel isn’t a thing, but have you ever been asked that question? Or even thought about it? My first reaction would be HELL YES because I would do things 100% DIFFERENT and it would be interesting to see how it all panned out. But the grounded and mindful being inside of me knows that my school age experiences are what shaped me to be the person that I am today. I don’t ever look back at my life with regret because every choice led me to exactly where I am, and I’m completely grateful. But I also struggled internally with a great deal of things, which is why I wanted to write this for the teens. The kids who aren’t yet adults, but expected to make decisions like adults do. The people who are trying to figure out WHO they are and WHY they’re here, but are thrust with opinions from parents, teachers, friends and society about who they’re supposed to be.
Teens have it harder than most other age groups. Even us grown ups who pay bills and raise humans. Because we have FREE WILL. They only do to an extent. They can only make choices that fit a mold of who’s raising them. If they go against that grain, they are defiant or disrespectful. Again, I live with a teenager and it sometimes feels like a crapshoot letting her make choices while still giving her a foundation of LIFE to grow and build upon. We don’t always see eye to eye or agree on things. And that’s not a bad thing. But we see it as bad because it makes us feel terrible inside when our kids don’t understand WHY we want certain things for them. So lets take a second and remember what it feels like to be the teenager, just fighting for every ounce of understanding. WOOF. This shit ain’t easy. But we will keep showing up and doing the best we can. Praying that we aren’t doing damage on these kids that they will have to uncover and dig through as adults.
But…Let’s be real. They totally will. Just like we had to. I had amazing parents and I still had to work through some serious shit as an adult to combat my needs to be perfect, fix everything and put everything else before myself. So here’s what I truly hope you parents reading and you teens reading can gain from this…CLARITY! Parents, we think we know better because we have experienced more life, which is a big part of the reason why it wouldn’t be as awful to go BACK now, knowing what we know. Understanding life in a deeper way. Teens, you think you know better because it’s YOUR life and you aren’t exactly like your parents, so how could they know better. Big part of the reason why it would SUCK to go back, because someone would be telling us how to LIVE. Agreed there? Get what I’m saying?
Ok.. so then I hope you achieve more RESPECT, respect for each others feelings and words and ACCEPTANCE for why we all feel the way we feel! Here’s how we can do that:
Step 1: STOP QUESTIONING. START LISTENING. Whoa. Stop asking my kid questions? Or stop asking my parents WHYYYYY I cant do this or that, or buy this or that? Hang with me here. Your kid gets home from school. “How was your day? Do you have homework? How was the test? You ready for dance? Did you finish your homework? Did you eat anything healthy? What are you doing on your phone? Did you take out the dog?” SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. Where in the rapid fire questioning are we learning about WHO our kids really are? Are we actually listening, or just waiting to hear the response we are looking for? And when we don’t get the response we are looking for, we get pissed and ask them MORE questions. “WHY do you always do this? Who do you think you’re talking to? What do you mean you don’t know? Why are you always in such a bad mood? What’s your attitude for?” OMGGGG I am literally having a come to Jesus moment realizing how much I am guilty of this, too, my peeps.
Let’s shift to the teens now. Mom walks in from a helluva day. “What’s for dinner? Is my uniform clean? Can you take me to the store, I need stuff for a project due tomorrow? Can you drive us to the mall later? Can I hang out with friends after school? Can I order something on amazon?” All before mom has been able to kick her shoes off and take stock on what explosion to tackle first. Mom replies with impatience and frustration for not being able to do 103 things at once and you then feel like she hates you and is the worst mom ever. Can we agree that theres a better way, here?
Before you ask more questions, ASK YOURSELF if you have actually LISTENED! Deal? Use this as an experiment to see if communication flows a little easier this way!
Step 2: STOP PUSHING. START VISUALIZING. This one is something that popped into my head as I was chatting with my daughter about college and work in the real world. She wants to pursue the medical field and I’m so proud and impressed by that. But I wanted to dig into WHY she wanted to do this, because when I was her age, NO ONE ever asked me WHY I was choosing the path of college. It was sort of a non-negotiable like I HAD TO do it and just figure it out as I went. Which is fine for a lot of paths in our lives, but when you leave college with a mortgage of student loans and still no clarity on what you actually wanna do, is that really worth it? So I asked her WHY. She replied that she wanted to help others. Love it. Then I asked her if she realized that being in the medical field meant working holidays, night shifts, extra long shifts and not having the traditional schedule. She understood and was willing to continue on with this.
We so quickly PUSH our kids to go to school, figure out what job and career path to take without actually having them VISUALIZE what they want their lives to look like. Do they want to work day shifts, in the city, in an office, be a business owner, get a degree, deal with massive debt, maybe even think about having their own families some day. I know it seems so far off, but having them actually picture what they want their LIFE TO FEEL LIKE instead of what JOB they want to do makes a huge difference. And to sweeten the deal, parents should share their vision with their kids, too! It’s so important to share your desires and what a picture perfect day feels like, so we can all help each other achieve it! Maybe you’re a parent and still don’t know what you want to be when you grow up. I know I finally figured it out in my 30’s. But what better time to create that vision than to do it TOGETHER!
Step 3: CHANGE THE EXPECTATION. As parents, we absolutely hold our children to a certain standard. How to behave, how to treat others, how to treat ourselves. As kids and teens, you have expectations of how you should be treated as well. What if we just had ONE expectation?
UNDERSTANDING! Because the truth is, as parents, we do know a great deal more than our kids simply because we have lived and experienced more. But that doesn’t always mean we are right. And teens, I know it seems like your parents may have NO clue about what its like to BE YOU, but remember that they had their own share of baggage to work through at your age. Maybe its not exactly the same, but I’m sure its similar and they have the knowledge to help you navigate it!
Parents want their kids to be free and expressive and able to find themselves, but we also have this obligation to make sure we are guiding them in the right direction. Like life’s biggest goal is just to raise GOOD HUMANS, right? Teens. I know you can feel stifled, monitored, misunderstood…but know that all of that comes from the ultimate place of LOVE! If we all just stop the crazy expectations and focus on understanding, we may have a whole lot less to argue about! We may be able to find a little more joy in this wacky phase of life. We may actually get to know each other better and bring out the best in one another!
I say to my oldest all the time…”I have NO IDEA what I’m doing. I’m learning with you. This is the first time I’ve parented a kid your age and I’m learning as I go, too.” She usually smirks or rolls her eyes, but I know she understands that I’m doing the best I can, And I can totally understand that she is too!
Let’s shift the conversation. Let’s listen. Let’s create vision together and let’s understand each other a little bit more.
And if you guys need more guidance, we have mindfulness and meditation classes just for the teens. And while you’re at it, sign yourself up for Shift Release Connect, our weekly meditation and stretch class! You guys all deserve time spent on your MIND and your HEART!
Ok I know I said no more questions, but I just have 1 more… Would you go back to being a teenager if you knew what you know now? Share with me peeps, would love to hear your feedback on this one!
Mindfulness is everywhere these days! It’s almost become a trend…which is a trend I can 100% support!!!
But here’s the crazy part: there are still SO many people out there, maybe even YOU reading this, who don’t believe they have what it takes to live in a mindful way! I feel like there’s this perception of the true mindful person. It goes something like this…
They smell like sage and essential oils and glide through life in their boho chic clothes, eating kale chips and drinking out of paper straws. They float on a cloud while they meditate and can hold headstands for hours. They slide down rainbows and hug trees.
Ok maybe that’s extreme🤣, but when I used to hear the words mindful or meditate or inner peace, my first thought was…HIPPIE. It just was. I just didn’t understand how I could be a mindful person when it all seemed so foreign.
Crazy part is that I now love essential oils and sage and wear WAEbands daily so I actually have now embraced my inner hippie, LOL, but it didn’t happen overnight. And you don’t EVER have to embrace those things to actually be mindful. Being mindful is PERSONAL and UNIQUE to every human!! It’s something you express in your own individual way! It’s something you already are, and you don’t even realize it!
Today I am going to share with you 10 signs that you are, in fact, living a mindful life without even consciously realizing it! You ready?! Here goes…
1.) You daydream. You might think daydreaming is being mindless, but it’s the opposite. Being able to daydream means you are able to create a vision and get lost in it. Maybe it’s when you’re driving, or cleaning or in the shower; any time you can allow your mind to wander and create is actually a signal of mindfulness. A lot of us spend a good amount of time conjuring up worst case scenarios in our minds. We do that with worry or fear. But get this…if you’re able to do that, you can 100% dream up something amazing. And better yet, you can believe it and make it a reality!
2.) You are thankful for your current state at least once every day. I will say it 1000 times over…gratitude is the key to the utmost happiness! If you stay in a space of gratitude, you will always find joy. And the desire to live in the state of joy is a huge signal of mindfulness! You get it! You understand that the goal above all else is happiness in our existence…even if you have had the worst day and have complained a gazillion times and been impatient. Just one moment of thankfulness for what you DO have is the trigger! It’s the signal that you are a mindful person!
3.) You believe in a higher power. This is a biggie. It can be God, the universe, Mother Earth, the unknown, it doesn’t matter. Just being aware that there is a grander force guiding this crazy journey we call life is the basis of being mindful! We remove the need to control every outcome and have faith that all is as it should be. Having faith in something bigger than you is instantly connecting you to the power of abundance and positivity!
4.) You smile at strangers. Believe it or not, some people don’t do this. But I know a lot of you DO! If you take the time to smile at someone, or pay someone a compliment for no reason, or put someone’s cart away for them at the grocery store, you are living a mindful life. Because the second you spread your own light to others through something as simple as a smile, you are making a positive impact in someone else’s life! That’s mindful my peeps!
5.) You have done a “no complain” challenge. Have you seen those social media posts, challenging you to not complain for 24 hours? Of course you have. And chances are, you have attempted it. It’s not easy! We have SO much happening in life that it’s so easy to complain. I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m stressed. I have too much on my plate. I am burnt out. I’m sick of it. Blah blah blah. We all do it. But the second we get self aware and try to NOT complain is when mindfulness WINS! Because being mindful doesn’t mean we need to be PERFECT…it just means we are present in our thoughts! So if you have even been aware of complaining, then you my friend, are mindful!
6.) You are inspired by simple things. Does a pretty sky blow your mind like it does me?! Or nature? The stars? Watching an old couple cross the street holding hands? Seeing kids play? Hearing a baby giggle? The simple moments of life that stop you in your tracks…those are your reminders that you are mindful! Any time you stop and smile or feel peace, even for a fleeting moment, that’s a powerful mindful moment! The more you pay attention to them, the more of them you will see and experience! It’s like a flood gate. You just gotta open it up a little and it just pours on through!! Inspiration works just the same!
7.) You see the silver lining. You have shitty days and grouchy days. You have moments where you feel like all odds are against you. But you still see the good. Even if it’s only a teeny tiny inkling of good, it’s there. And that morsel of goodness will always carry you through any challenge. That silver lining is your proof that you a mindful being!
8.) You enjoy alone time. Wanting to be alone and have quiet is not a bad thing. It’s your soul telling you it’s time to restore and replenish your energy! You can be a social butterfly and still desire time by yourself. It’s part of the balance. If you find yourself craving quiet time, it means you may be leveling up in your mindfulness. You may be more aware of how you expand your energy and know that you need time to decompress and rejuvenate!
9.) You want to be kind to yourself. Emphasis on the word WANT. Because even if you aren’t doing the things you know you CAN or SHOULD, you are aware. And awareness=mindfulness! So if you want to workout or eat better or learn how to meditate, that’s a giant step in the direction of actually DOING it! The desire is there. And where there is desire, there is the ability to get inspired, which leads to taking ACTION! So celebrate your want to be kind to yourself, and maybe today will be the day something shifts to make it happen!
10.) You like to help and give. You thrive on making people smile. It warms your heart to give people love, or gifts, or your TIME. You feel more whole when you’re helping others feel whole. Make sense?! This doesn’t mean you’re not making yourself a priority, it means your soul longs to give and be of service. The most mindful people are the ones who love to see others living in JOY! When we are jealous or envious of other people’s happiness, it’s when mindfulness shuts off. When we truly love seeing others happy, that’s when mindfulness expands so far and so wide!
So there it is my peeps. 10 ways you are already a super mindful person, just by being YOU! Now you can build upon it! You can always grow in this area! You can always expand your mindset! You can never be TOO mindful, so celebrate where you are and get excited about where you’re going! Your mind is amazing and so is your heart! Keep going and growing friends!
I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out what my next blog topic would be. I started 3 different things and just left them unfinished. I was feeling scattered and clouded and like it was being forced. I like when the words and ideas just flow. So I decided to write this blog about what happens when you feel STUCK.
I could have just not written anything, but this has become a staple where I share my new blog post every week and I love it, so why would I stop now?!
How many times has that happened in your life?! Things are going so smooth. Everything feels so aligned. Momentum is rockin. Good vibes are happening. And then one day comes and nothing feels good. Everything feels all over the place like one foot can’t possibly go in front of the other. And you just STOP.
Please don’t confuse this with rest or reflection time, because that is a very necessary thing. I mean when one shitty day swoops in and you just stop doing the things that felt so great like 24 hours prior.
Whyyyyyyy do we do it?! Because we’re human. Because sometimes we have underlying guilt that makes us stop doing the things we know will bring us the most joy. Sometimes we don’t feel worthy of it. Honestly there’s a LOT of baggage and reasons of why we self sabotage and they vary from person to person. What I wanna share about tonight is moving past the stopping point no matter what baggage you still may be carrying.
This blog that’s spilling out of me NOW is exact proof that it’s possible to keep going even when you feel like everything around you is telling you to stop.
I literally couldn’t get anything going to feel powerful enough to share with you guys. It was annoying the crap out of me. I was feeling self deprecating, like who wants to even read my words anyway, whaaa whaaaa whaaaa. I was feeling stuck. Writers block is a real thang…but only if you give it all the power.
I decided on my drive over to dance to drop off Brae that because I couldn’t think of anything to blog about, I was gonna write about being totally stuck. Do you see the magic in that you guys?!
OWNING the fact that I was stuck and making the choice to move through it is allowing me to get UNSTUCK.
Read that once more…
It’s not rocket science my peeps. It CHOICES. It’s knowing that it’s not always gonna feel aligned. It’s honoring the fact that some days are gonna come with more weight on our shoulders and more barricades in our brains. But if we just talk about it and put it out there and show up to it as best we can in the moment, that’s progress, right?!
It’s like that saying, if you are feeling from the depths of your core that you don’t want to get up and workout, just do the first 5 minutes and see how you feel. 99% of the time, you’re gonna finish the whole workout. It was just those pesky 5 minutes you needed to get past to feel the flow. Even if it feels like crap, you still feel better in so many ways once it’s done!
Just like I know I will feel better once I post this blog up, because it means something special to me and I want to continue to show up to it even when I think I don’t feel like it.
Because that’s another powerful thing to understand…my true self KNOWS that showing up to things like this blog, any social media platform that I post on, my own nutrition and wellness, my mindset, is ALWAYS going to benefit me! Always!! It’s my ego and silly human brain that THINKS I don’t wanna do these things when my highest and best self always always does!
Does that make sense guys?! We never want to stop doing the things that make us feel amazing. Obvi, right?! But par for the course, it’s life and it happens. So…Here are a few simple bullet points I want to share with you that will hopefully help you shift from stuck to unstuck in a snap.
—-OWN what you’re stuck in. Phone a friend, post it, ask for help. Whatever you need to do, reach out to someone (I’m always here for YOU😘) and tell them exactly what you’re stuck in! Most times, that alone helps you move right on through it to get to the next step.
—-Instead of focusing on what you DON’T know, focus on what you DO know. Example, “I don’t know what to write about. I don’t know what matters. I don’t know what I’m doing. Does anyone even care.” Shift that to this, “I know that I love writing. I know that it feels good to share from the heart. I know that I’m here for a reason. I know that something good always comes from the struggle.”
Even though this exercise doesn’t solve the problem, it gives the problem way less power and affirming what I DO know makes me feel more centered and clear to take the next step!! Problems never go away, we just choose how to show up to them!!
—-Think about a time where you have helped someone else. Reflect back to any instance, could even be how you helped teach your kid to tie their shoes or ride a bike, could be that you gave a friend a ride home from work or paid for someone’s coffee in the drive thru line. Go back into that moment. Feel it. Embrace it. Relive the joy and know that if you have the ability to show up and help someone else in ANY capacity, you are more than able to show up for YOURSELF! Those tiny little moments you helped someone else probably felt really big for them…so the tiny ways you can give back to yourself add up to HUGE personal growth!!
I really hope these instances help you and serve to be reminders when you’re stuck in the mud. I’ve written this entire blog in the dance school parking lot and I’m already feeling more aligned just by sharing it and owning the space. Clarity came from the cluster. The words just started to flow once I realized the potential of being stuck in the mud. Because us humans are a lot like the lotus flower, we grow best right from the mud!
I was in my living room finishing up my workout. I was doing push-ups so I couldn’t hear perfectly as I was trying to not keel over. But it sounded something like this…”UGHHH I’m starvinggggggg and I’m sooo annoyed because I just brushed my teeth so now I can’t eat. Ughblahwhaaa.”
I shook my head. I stopped what I was doing. Trying to catch my breath and get ready for my cool down I gurgled, “Bubbs. Did you even just hear what came out of your mouth? You have got to be kidding me with that nonsense.”
I like to say I have patience as a parent, but the older my kids get, the more cut and dry I have become…because they KNOW. They get it for the most part. And when there is a moment where my kids complain about ridiculous things, all patience goes right out the window. I want to explode while my head spins around in circles and go right to the place of…”do you even know how lucky you are? There are kids in your own town who are literally starving and you have the nerve to complain that you can’t eat because you just BRUSHED YOUR TEETH. There are kids who don’t even own a TOOTHBRUSH!!!!”
Ok if I’m being 100% honest, I went exactly to that place. I literally said that to my 9 year old. And I didn’t even feel one bit bad about it because gratitude is such an important part of our family and our values! It’s something we discuss DAILY, so to hear such a ridiculous comment sent me right over the edge.
Guys, I’m human and I know my kids are, too. We have those moments where we wanna moan and groan about petty annoyances. We all have instances where we feel entitled to being grouchy or whiny or complainy. (Yup. That’s a word!) But do we?! Do our circumstances really allow us to project on others?!
The truth: NOPE. But for some reason, we still feel it. Because at the end of the day, when we are hurting, we just want something to validate it. We either want someone else hurting with us, or we want someone else to fix it for us. The feeling of entitlement comes swooping in to justify our crappy attitude.
Now here’s the thing…A lot of people call me naïve and say I don’t live in the real world because I believe wholeheartedly in the utmost power of positivity. But that doesn’t mean that I just IGNORE the crap storm and pain. I just choose to not stay in it.
When the anger comes boiling up or the complaints start rifling out, I legit stop myself. I stop myself and take inventory on WHY I’m pissed. I get really REAL with myself. I beat it up if I need to. And then I find the positive. Because if I don’t do that, I just continue to feel like crap and treat the people around me like crap. And what good does that do?!
If you ask Bubbs, he would tell you it gets x-box taken away for a couple of days! 🤣 but to us adults, it just lowers our own energy by giving power to the negative vibes! And then the people around us get the worst of us, not the best of us. Mostly, we get so depleted that we have nothing left to give to ourselves.
That was my kiddo today, and that’s why I knew I had to share this! After my head nearly flew off my shoulders, we sat down and chatted and he was literally just unsure about why he was acting the way that he was. He just felt like he had the right to do it.
So the moral of the story is this…we are all allowed to feel whatever we need to feel and process our emotions accordingly. BUT…We are not entitled to opinions or feelings anymore than any other human on any other day. There’s a huge difference there and I truly hope this little chat helps the next time you’re feeling the complain train pulling into the station!
Oh and if you find yourself struggling with staying in a place of gratitude like Bubbs, try this: take a notebook and leave it by your bed. The moment you wake up, or even right before you go to bed, write down all the things you can think of that make you smile! That make you grateful . That make you remember how awesome it is to be YOU and live YOUR life.
PS…Bubbs ended the day with a much more grateful heart…and so did I!❤️❤️🙏🏻
Imagine this. In one hand, you have a bucket filled with wet concrete. In the other hand, you have a pick axe.
Every time you have a thought or a feeling associated with envy, jealousy, judgment, fear, doubt or lack, you pour concrete over your own feet.
Every time you have a thought or a feeling relating to joy, love, abundance, gratitude or peace, you use the axe to chisel away the concrete.
Now obviously we don’t walk around with a bucket or axe in our hands, but get this… when we fill our minds and lives with negativity, we are keeping ourselves STUCK in patterns and behaviors that don’t best serve us. Hence the concrete.
When we consciously work to keep our minds and lives in the LIGHT, we are moment to moment just chiseling away all of those feelings of lack and doubt that can so easily keep us trapped.
We are humans so all of us have an ego inside. That ego did once serve a purpose back when we were cavemen and we literally needed to SURVIVE living amongst wooly mammoths and stuff. We had to always assume the worst was going to happen to be protected enough to actually survive.
Guys. Its 2019. We are no longer cavemen and we have been blessed to live in a time where we are here to THRIVE, not just survive. And in order to do this, we must retrain our brains. Like, every day, we need to consciously shift our thoughts out of the ego and into the highest self.
It. Ain’t. Easy. But guys, it’s completely possible. I used the concrete and pick axe analogy because little things like that can totally help us be self aware when we are allowing our thoughts to keep us stuck. So now after reading this, my hope is that when you’re in a negative thinking pattern, you will realize you’re burying yourself in the cement when you could be chiseling your way out!
Being self aware can be totally exhausting because there are many times where we KNOW we are being our own worst enemy, yet we do it anyway. Again, we are HUMAN. We’re here to F up and make mistakes and have experiences of pain and fear. But just as that’s human experience, so is joy and abundance and love. And every one of you reading this has a divine right to experience that in this life. That’s why you’re reading this blog. You know deep down it’s true!!
So…say you have a friend who has always had it all. The happy marriage. The adorable healthy kids. The thriving career. The house. The dog. The vacations. The lifestyle! All of it. And every time you see your friend, you can’t help but feel less than for yourself. You’re jealous of her life. You’re angry that you don’t have those things. You’re pissed that it seems to come so easy for her and here you are struggling like a motha trying to just put one foot in front of the other.
You judge her for her choices. You try to make sense of it by saying she’s just lucky. You try to downplay her life and say she must not really be happy if she has that life. There’s no way someone can really have it all.
And by having those thoughts time after time, you have just buried yourself knee deep in concrete and prevented yourself from being able to attain the life you truly desire.
It’s like that saying, “comparison is the thief of joy.” It’s 100% TRUE. When we compare, we are doing nothing to help us advance in our own lives and simply stealing moments of our own happiness.
Let me repeat guys..it ain’t easy to get out of this mindset. But like anything else, it’s a practice; and when you feel yourself going down the rabbit hole of comparison, you will know now to drop the bucket and pick up the axe.
Let’s go back to your friend. She’s living the good life that you long for. Remove the judgment, the lack mentality, the jealousy…replace it with LOVE. Look to her and study her. What has she actually done to get where she is? Who is she as a person? Celebrate her for having the courage and strength to define life on her terms. Love on her for being a symbol of possibility and hope. Congratulate her when more joy comes her way. Show her more and more and more LOVE and THANK HER. Because you’re new mindset knows and believes this to be TRUE: if she can do it, so can YOU!!
Think about how different your life could be if you removed the comparison and judgement and looked at everyone through a different lens. You would be SO FREE you guys. Free to expand your life in any way you desire. You wouldn’t be buried in the concrete and would have chipped all that rubble away!
When you make this shift every day, you will feel lighter. I promise you. Even if some days you feel like you’re lying to yourself because it’s so much harder to believe in what’s possible than what’s actually happening in front of you. But like Charlie says in that Santa Clause movie, “you don’t need to see a million dollars to know that’s its real.” It’s about believing. Sometimes you gotta FAITH it til you make it. Sometimes you gotta put your energy into what you desire more than anything else.
For some reason we think that having negative thoughts serves us because it’s like self protection…but negative thoughts serve ZERO purpose if you are in a space of self development. There’s no room for those thoughts and the only reason they come barreling in is because your ego knows you’re evolving past it. And your ego is pissed. It doesn’t want you to grow beyond it. It likes when you get mad and judgey and gossipy and pouty. It loves to swoop in steal the show. And it will always try to. The ego never goes away!! But you’re higher self and you’re inner voice get louder and stronger and WAY more powerful!
Your higher self is the strongest muscle we have as humans. But man oh man, we gotta WERK IT! We gotta show up to it. We gotta shift. We gotta ditch the concrete. We gotta tighten the grip on the axe and we gotta smash right through the BS.
Some days will feel better than others. Some moments it will be a smoother transition out of the negative. Some days you will beat the ever living crap out of something until you’re ready to let it go. It’s not perfect and it’s not gonna be…but it’s gonna be a beautiful wreckage that you step away from and you will take all those tiny chunks of concrete and be able to build something so damn powerful!! And then you will be that person who others look to for the light. You already have it in you. Drop the bucket. You’ve been carrying it long enough. Today, you can be free ❤️✨
When I grow up, I wanna be a stay at home mom and at home daycare provider turned work from home mom who is a reiki practitioner, online wellness coach, lifestyle mentor, writer and blogger, who also handmakes WAEbands and teaches people to stand in their light. 😳
You’re probably not ever gonna find that listing posted for a job opportunity. Now hiring: 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t have an official job title because my job combines a huge variety of things and it’s my own. But I don’t wanna get ahead of myself here…let me take it back to when I was 10. If someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have said marine biologist. Or a teacher. And then that eventually turned into a psychologist.
Ask any kid in your life right now what they see for their future. Police officer, artist, movie star, astronaut, fire fighter, the president, a lawyer or doctor, a plumber or builder, professional athlete or you-tuber. I love the innocence combined with unwavering belief when kids talk about what they one day may become! They know they can do anything!
And then we grow up. Life gets more challenging. We get beaten down. We have one person somewhere along the line who doesn’t believe in us, and we lose all faith that we can be or do all things. We settle. We go to school and get the job that pays the bills. We take the safe route instead of the soul filling route. We live the way we think we are supposed to.
Now I’m not saying this happens to every human, I know that it doesn’t. But it’s a reality for many and here’s why: we are told that we need to be prepared and secure and “do the right thing.” But often times, the right thing is really what is expected of us, not what we truly desire!
I went to college. I got the degree. I applied for the jobs. 3 different places had offered me an entry level position in the field of psychology as a fresh college grad. But conventional wasn’t right for me from the start. I didn’t realize it yet, but my plan was supposed to be different. And if not for my brand new baby girl, I may never have gotten the opportunity to walk this path.
See, I was married and became a mama before I even finished college. So as I was applying for these jobs, I had this pit in my stomach. What about Brae?! Was I going to put her in daycare all day? Was I going to only see my kids for 3 hours a day? I knew that was a totally normal thing to do, but something inside just didn’t feel right. I looked into my baby’s big blue eyes and I just knew I was supposed to be with her.
That choice was HUGE you guys…and not because I became a stay at home mom, but because that choice led me here to this blog right now. Hang with me…
As I declined the positions, I just so happened to have a giant family that always needed childcare assistance. So there it was. Before I even understood the power of the universe providing, I had an opportunity to be home AND make an income to help support our new fam. I was not nearly in the headspace I am these days so I didn’t even realize the magnitude, and I just continued on. 2 more babies for us, and lots of adorable kiddos in and out of our house, I had been able to be there for my kids in a way that I will always be grateful for.
But still something felt off. I would often sit during nap time and wonder what the heck I was going to do when all my kids went to school all day. Was I still gonna do daycare?! I mean, the whole reason for it was to be home with my kids. Did I want to open up a daycare center? Did I want to go back and get my masters? Did I want to get a “real” job? All those thoughts crossed my mind because I had this nagging urge to “do the right things.” I had this degree that I wasn’t using and this feeling like being a mom wasn’t good enough.
Man oh man, I didn’t have a CLUE! But I was getting closer.
During this time, I was experiencing a huge shift in my life, although it didn’t seem so profound in the moment. Guys, if you haven’t noticed, this is a recurring theme. We don’t always see the bigger picture when we are standing smack dab in the middle of the frame.
I began working on my mind, our family started learning more about meditation and reiki, I started an at home workout program. I started helping other people workout from home and get healthy. And then my mom tied a tank top on her head. Which then became the WAEband. So many small steps that ended up evolving into massive change.
I was still questioning what I wanted to be when I grew up, as I was BECOMING the person I was meant to as a grown up.
Literally ALL of the pieces of my internal self work became a part of my new career right under my nose without me even REALIZING it!! So now when I look back, it all makes so much sense. Even when it felt challenging or confusing in the moment, every choice led me to this moment right now! Writing the last few bits of this blog in the parking lot of my sons school before pick up time!
I know that sounds super cliché, but it’s for real. The whole purpose of this blog is to share my story simply to give you something to relate to. Maybe you’re feeling totally stuck in your career or marriage or life and you aren’t sure what the next step is.
Here’s my advice…stop worrying about what the future is going to look like and start working on who you are right here in this moment! Work on your mind. Work on your body. Start praying. Start journaling. Start eating better. Turn off the news and turn on a podcast. Start being kinder to yourself and others. All of those tiny little things will bring you closer to you answer. I PROMISE you that. It’s where you will find clarity, and all of a sudden, things will start shifting.
I can honestly tell you that I never intended on becoming a business owner. I never had any desire to stand on a stage and speak to people. I never imagined I would handmake headbands. I never loved writing. I never cared a lot about wellness. I never knew what reiki was. And those are some massive pieces to my job.
Oh yeah, I mentioned that earlier. My job description is kinda wacky, right?! But it’s MINE. It doesn’t have to be anyone else’s, because it’s my own. It fits my life perfectly and it’s allowed me to become the person I’m here to be.
You job doesn’t have to fit the mold. It doesn’t have to be what anyone else wants it to be. It should serve you, it should serve others and it should serve a purpose. Stop worrying so much about the how’s and the why’s and just start with YOU!
That’s where you will find the answer to everything you are seeking.
Can’t wait to hear what you’re gonna be when you grow up 🙏🏻😘
PS…if you guys are in need of some help with your energy and getting clarity, we have a class this Saturday at 9am called Energy Clearing 101. We will teach you some really cool techniques! And as always, reiki sessions, workouts and meditation classes are in full swing and can be the perfect small step to take for YOU! 😘😘
Your kid falls down. He scrapes his knee. It’s bleeding, so you grab a tissue to clean it up. You give your kiddo a squeeze and say, “don’t cry, it’s gonna be ok! I love you.”
A dad and son are playing ball. The son makes a bad pass and gets upset. He starts getting teary because he is disappointed in himself. The dad looks at him and says, “wipe the tears and be a man. It’s not the end of the world if you make a bad pass. That’s how you learn and get better!”
A friend is crying over a recent breakup. She is devastated, even though the guy was a total donkey. She’s so distressed wondering how she could fix the mess. You look at her and say, “don’t waste your tears on that asshole. He’s not even worth it.”
A coworker is sitting in the lunch room quietly weeping. You go over to her to see if she’s ok. She’s having a moment after the loss of her father. Something about the smell of the lunchroom that day reminded her of her dads favorite meal, and it just hit her. You sit with her and start talking about how you lost your dad, too and what his favorite food was. And try to share the moment with her.
Your sister is talking about how overwhelmed she is with life. She’s struggling to communicate with her kids and her husband and just doesn’t feel heard. You chime in with all the reasons in your life that relate and say you understand. And then you share some advice on how she could do things differently.
Above are a few scenarios that happen all the time in life. You have probably experienced some form of all of them, right?! There is nothing “wrong” with how those situations unfolded…but I’m here to share with you a little shift on how we can best navigate other people’s FEELINGS. Because honestly, once we really dial into this, we feel so much more internal PEACE! How’s that sound?!
Let’s start with the phrase, “DON’T CRY.” Who’s said it to someone before?!🙋🏻♀️ I have a gazillion times. And then I realized, saying “don’t cry” when someone is sad is the same as saying “don’t laugh” when someone is happy.
Have you ever looked at someone experiencing a moment of pure JOY and told them to stop laughing?!
NOT. A. CHANCE, right?! We love seeing other people happy and laughing and want our friends and family to constantly feel that!! Kinda interesting how we encourage the emotion of joy, but the second we see someone in pain, we try to get them to STOP feeling it.
Obviously, we don’t want to see people hurting. It’s not easy to witness. And most of us have this unwavering feeling that it’s our responsibility to help other people feel better…even if they don’t ask for it. Those people are called EMPATHS. Can I get an amen on a Monday if that’s you?! Because I so get it!
I always felt like it was my responsibility to make things better for others. I am here to help and serve, so I gotta step up and show up say all the right things to help someone get out of their own way, whether they want to hear it or not🤣
UMMM…not the best way, Taren. And I learned that the hard way by getting myself all wrapped up that I lost sight of ALLOWING PEOPLE TO BE WHATEVER THEY NEEDED TO BE! Whew.
Here’s the kicker…it’s not our job to -MAKE- someone else feel better. It’s our job to support others in making themselves feel better. See that tiny little shift?! Guys…that shift is EVERYTHING! Read it again.
Maybe one more time. Got it?! Good🙌🏻
It’s so easy to see someone crying and tell them that they don’t need to. But guess what, they feel like they need to. So who the heck are we to tell them any different?! Next time you see someone else crying, even if you don’t AGREE with why they are sad, let them know it’s OK to FEEL. Be the person in their life who just lets them BE whatever they need to be in that moment. Deal?! I’m gonna hold you to that…and you’re gonna feel SO much different approaching situations from that angle going forward.
If my kids get upset now, I look right at them, I tell them I understand they are feeling what they need to feel and I ASK if there’s anything I can do to help. I ASK. I don’t just start spewing advice or wise words. I let them FEEL and honor the space. And depending on the situation, will parent accordingly.
But do you see how we can so easily make someone else’s feelings a product of our own opinion?! We decide whether or not they should feel a certain way…and that’s just baloney. We think we are helping, but there’s such a better way! We all have the divine right to FEEL the FEELS! We need to respect each other and love each other enough to allow that!
Ok, so let’s talk about being relatable and giving advice… when someone else tells us they are having a hard time, WHY do we instantly feel like we need to start talking about ourselves for them to understand that we get what they are saying?! Humans are funny, aren’t we?!
We all want connection. We all want to share our struggles that we have overcome so other people can do the same thing…but there’s a time and a place for that.
Next time you are faced with someone in the middle of a struggle, JUST LISTEN. Just hear them, and be there for them. Often times, they don’t actually need to hear anything else in the moment except for, “I’m here and I love you.”
That is really the ultimate support.
When we are going through a challenge in life, it’s very rare they we don’t know what to do. We almost always KNOW how to handle it, we just might not like it…so that leads to lots of emotions and feelings and stress and dismay. It makes us wanna talk about it and dwell over it. We don’t actually need advice or someone telling us what we should do…we just need TIME to figure it out. Getting 27 different opinions doesn’t make it easier for the individual.
Think about your own life for a second…do you enjoy getting unsolicited advice? Do you want someone else telling you how you should feel? Then why the F do we do it others?!😂
Listen, we do it because in the moment, it feels like we are HELPING. We do it because we care. We do it because it’s really uncomfortable to see someone struggle and we just think that there’s gotta be a way we can FIX it!
The moral of the story here peeps: The best way to heal a sad situation is to fill it with LOVE and compassion and with LESS WORDS and MORE HEART!
Really try implementing this and just see how different YOU feel…it’s freeing when you stop trying to make sense of other people’s feelings and just love on them.
Most of our disagreements in life come from trying to get someone else to understand why we feel the way we feel. If we all just honored each others feelings, we wouldn’t waste so much damn time arguing over them!
Listen, I’m not saying we have to agree with everyone and hold hands singing kumbaya then ride unicorns over rainbows…I’m saying when you stop making your opinions about other people’s feelings a priority, you just might start farting glitter. ✨✨✨✨